Day 73 & 74: The Weekend of Doing Absolutely Nothing (and Loving It)

Oh my sweet jabbers, gather round.

This weekend, I achieved something truly spectacular.

Some people run marathons.

Others climb mountains.

Me?

I… did absolutely nothing.

And I don’t mean the “oh I did the washing up and then chilled” kind of nothing.

No.

I mean the Netflix, blanket fort, surrounded by cushions, cuddled by cats and boyfriend level of nothing.

Peak laziness.

Olympic-level sloth.

I basically became a decorative throw pillow with a pulse.

And let me tell you - after the week I had at work (emails flying out of my inbox like seagulls at a chip shop), this level of inactivity was not only deserved, it was prescribed by Dr. JABatha Herself.

Sometimes the body screams “NO MORE” and who am I to argue? Especially after surviving the Mounjaro rollercoaster of appetite suppression, a cheeky virus, wild weather mood swings, and - ah yes - perimenopause, aka puberty’s evil twin who shows up uninvited and drinks all your wine.

Fun Fact about Mounjaro #1:

Did you know some people call it “Mount Everest for your appetite”? Because climbing your way to hunger is basically impossible.

One moment you’re thinking about food, the next you’re full after two bites of sourdough and rye (with a slice of air on top).

Honestly, if someone ever kidnaps me, don’t worry about feeding me.

A single almond and I’ll be sorted for 48 hours.

Fun Fact about Mounjaro #2:

My nausea seems to have packed its bags and left.

Good riddance!

Although part of me thinks it’s hiding behind the sofa, ready to leap out the moment I dare to say “ooh, I could eat a pizza.”

Trust issues.

Saturday was a complete write-off - in the best possible way.

I barely moved.

Occasionally, one of the cats started their Catcast Podcast, which usually features topics like “Why Is My Bowl Empty Again?” and “Butts: A Panel Discussion.”

But nothing dramatic.

Just warm, fluffy, purring background noise while I lived my best duvet-day life.

Meanwhile, the boyfriend starred in Episode 1 of his brand-new series: “The Adventures of My Boyfriend – A Series in Questionable Decision-Making.”

Domino’s Disaster: He decided to treat himself to a full-blown Domino’s feast. Garlic dip, pepperoni, the works.

Did I want any?

Absolutely not.

Appetite still firmly in witness protection thanks to Mounjaro.

Watching him demolish it was like a live-action nature documentary: “And here, in his natural habitat, the hungry male feasts gloriously, unaware his partner is sipping collagen coffee and silently judging.”

Speaking of TV, I got stuck into Doc on Sky Witness (a drama, not a documentary - though with the amount of chaos, it could easily be mistaken for one).

Then, of course, I dipped into Married at First Sight UK, which was, frankly, utter shite.

Where do they even find these people?

A discount bin at IKEA?

A casting call at Poundland?

It’s the kind of TV that makes you question your life choices, yet somehow I can’t look away.

Sunday morning delivered rain (classic UK plot twist) and Episode 2: Lock It or Lose It.

We were about to set off for our wholesome countryside walk when we discovered the car had been left unlocked.

Since FRIDAY NIGHT.

Two full days of open invitation to thieves, foxes, or very organised raccoons.

Thank the Lord we live in the middle of nowhere, because if we lived in London the car would’ve been stripped for parts and resold on Gumtree by Saturday lunchtime.

Anyway, countryside walk achieved.

Leaves crunched beneath my feet, raindrops fell dramatically onto my hood, and my Fitbit nearly fainted from shock at the step count.

And then… Sunday afternoon.

NFL & popcorn time, baby.

You know Sundays are all about Eagles and Seahawks.

I yell at the TV as though the players can hear me (spoiler: they can’t), and my cats think I’m auditioning for “Angry Pigeon: The Musical.”

Fun Fact about My Journey #3:

At this point, I’ve probably burned more calories from laughing at myself, yelling at football, and dodging cat butts in my face than from any official workout plan. But hey, cardio is cardio.

Fun Fact about My Journey #4:

I’ve discovered that collagen coffee + Mounjaro = some kind of turbo-charged anti-aging potion.

Either that, or I’ve just been too tired to notice new wrinkles. Jury’s still out.

So there you have it.

A weekend of total stillness, punctuated with rain, ridiculous TV, and the ongoing saga of Boyfriend Fails.

Spoiler: more episodes are coming - I’m placing bets on something involving IKEA furniture, duct tape, or tech support.

But honestly?

My body feels like it’s thanking me for once.

To all my jabbers out there:

May your week be fabulous, your nausea be non-existent, your cats slightly less judgey, your cars safely locked, and your appetite so suppressed that even the sight of a doughnut makes you shrug.

With Love,

JABatha Christie - True Crime, True Carbs, True Couch Potato Edition