bowelmovement | Jabathachristie

Day 145 - 147: Snots, Eggs, Poland PTSD, and the Rise of Ruby’s MeowCast

Oh, where do I even begin? These last three days - Monday to Wednesday - have been a swirling tornado of snots, fevers, Zoom meetings, digestive rebellion, and existential dread. Apparently, I brought home a little souvenir virus from my recent Poland trip, because why wouldn’t I? Christmas markets are basically human anthills, and somewhere between dodging drunken Santas and elbowing my way to the mulled wine stall, I caught something that has now turned me into a sad, sligh

5 days ago6 min read

Day 125 & 126: The Mounjaro Freeze, PS5 Widowhood & Surviving Snowpocalypse 2025 (all 11 snowflakes)

Buckle up. This one is LONG, chaotic and dripping in that signature Mounjaro-induced madness. Before We Begin: Mounjaro Truly Said “New Phone, Who Dis?” to My Habits Honestly - can we have a moment for the habit rewiring this pen has done? Because 125 days in, I’ve realised Mounjaro is basically that strict but loving Eastern European auntie who smacks the pierogi out of your hand and shouts “NO! Eat half! Better yet, don’t eat at all!!! Drink tea!!! THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES!

Nov 194 min read

Day 124: Frostbite, Public Transport Rage, And A Stomach That Thinks It’s a Zoo Exhibit

Ah… 5 am, that blessed/unholy hour when the universe reminds me I exist. Did I wake gracefully, smiling, stretching like a sophisticated human being? HAHAHAHAHAHA. NO. Instead: My phone screamed like a banshee hopped up on espresso. Ruby, my feline overlord, ran her 4–5 am Cat Podcast, featuring: “Mrrrrrp” Intro Theme Keyboard tapping like an office admin on steroids Head-butting me repeatedly (Subscriber Engagement Segment) Emergency Alert: “Mum, I Think You’re Dead So I Mus

Nov 184 min read

Day 112: The Trauma, The Bagel, and The Brave Return of JABatha Christie

Ahhh, the mornings of working from home. You know the ones - you convince yourself you’ll “sleep in a little” but still end up awake at 6:59am, staring at the ceiling, haunted by flashbacks of Monday’s car hijack attempt. Yes, THAT terrifying moment when I, JABATHA CHRISTIE herself, nearly became an episode of Crimewatch - all because I dared to drive the most elite vehicle known to mankind: my beloved Mini Cooper. They clearly picked the wrong woman. The wrong day. The wrong

Nov 73 min read

Day 105: Of Rats, Radio waves, and Random ADHD Chaos

Ah, the sweet joy of working from home - also known as “the illusion of peace until your cat decides you’ve slept enough.” This morning, I was deep in a glorious dream involving a spa, Idris Elba, and unlimited snacks that somehow didn’t count as calories… when BAM! Molly the Cat decided I was her breakfast butler. Full leap, claws of doom, right onto my stomach. “FEED ME, WOMAN!” So naturally, I stumbled out of bed half-asleep, hair resembling a tumbleweed, muttering somethi

Oct 304 min read

Day 101 & 102: The Weekend Extravaganza

(A JABatha Christie special: starring toast, gastroparesis, and one delusional Cruella De Vil) Wow. What. A. Weekend. Honestly, if there were medals for surviving chaos wrapped in glitter and digestive failure - I’d be a gold medallist by now. Saturday - The Witching Hour Begins 🧙‍♀️🎶 It started slow… too slow. A lazy Saturday morning, the calm before the storm. I had plans - big plans - but my stomach apparently had other ones, namely, “let’s retch dramatically for no reas

Oct 276 min read

Day 97: MOUNJARO: The Jab, The Myth, The Digestive Rollercoaster

Slightly different post today my fellow Jabbers! A bit of a reflection really… Ah, Mounjaro. The tiny weekly syringe that launched a thousand lifestyle overhauls - part miracle, part menace, all drama. The jab that promised control, calm, and confidence… and delivered a side order of nausea, introspection, and burps that could rattle crockery. When I started, I imagined Mounjaro would turn me into that woman - you know the one: sipping lemon water, glowing like she’s sponsore

Oct 213 min read

Day 96: The Great Vomit Uprising (a.k.a. The Monday That Never Slept)

Wow. What. A. Night. Friends, Romans, Jabbers… lend me your disinfectant. Because I have survived the feline equivalent of a zombie apocalypse - but with more hairballs and less sense of mercy. Let’s start with the obvious: I did not sleep. At all. Well, maybe there was an hour in there somewhere, sandwiched between the sounds of retching, the frantic scrabble of paws, and me muttering, “Oh God, not again,” into a roll of kitchen towel. My poor baby Ruby - Queen of Chaos, Duc

Oct 203 min read

Day 92: The Calm Before the Demogorgon

A JABatha Christie Original: Thursday, Sponsored by Fatigue, Felines, and Fear of Coldwater. My darling Jabbers, we’ve made it to Day 92. Ninety-two whole days of jabs, naps, soup, and the occasional near-death experience with carpet vomit. And speaking of carpets - you’ll be delighted to know that there was no sick today! A small victory in the household, as I awoke to Ruby’s usual 5am Podcast of Chaos (working title: Purring, Shuffling, and Random Headbutts: The Feline Awak

Oct 164 min read

Day 91: Of Sick Cats, Sourdoughs, and Suspicious Aligners

Ah, Wednesday. Bin day. The day of domestic glamour and olfactory challenges. I awoke to the gentle purr of Ruby - my sweet, spewy alarm clock - perched elegantly upon my chest. A vision of feline serenity… until I realised she had once again redecorated the carpet. And, for added flair, the freshly washed duvet. With undigested food. Truly, a multi-sensory experience. Poor baby. Although… between her nausea and my appetite swings, I’m beginning to suspect she’s been sneaking

Oct 163 min read