cats | Jabathachristie

Week 27 Weigh-in - dose 10mg

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 27 - AKA: The One Where My Brain Took Annual Leave and My Body Kept the Receipts Well hello there. It’s me. Alive. Mostly. Emerging slowly from the fog like a Victorian child with a fainting couch and a dramatic sigh. Yes. SIX WEEKS. Six whole weeks since my last blog post. Week 21 feels like a previous era. A different season of life. Possibly a different government. Before anyone panics: I did not fall off the planet, I did not rage-quit the internet,

6 days ago3 min read

Week 21 Weigh-in - dose 10mg

WEIGH-IN WEEK 21: THE POLISH PIEROGI PARADOX (aka: How I Lost 0.5 lbs While Acting Like a Competitive Eater in Kraków) Week 21. 10 mg jab. 0.5 lbs down. Total loss: 32.2 lbs / 14.6 kg. And honestly? After the last week, I should’ve been gaining the weight of a mid-sized toddler, not dropping half a pound. Because let’s be very clear: I did not behave like someone on a weight-loss journey. I behaved like someone unleashed into Poland with the emotional stability of a toddler a

Dec 11, 20253 min read

Day 132 & 133: The Week I Became a Frozen Zombie Pancake

Tuesday - Day 132: The Jab Freeze & Pancake Apocalypse Worked from home. Normally that means luxury - a casual 7am wake up, soft housecoat, warm slippers, angelic soundtrack of purring cats. But no. My body said absolutely not and woke me at 5am like I had a train to catch to the Arctic. I laid there blinking at the ceiling wondering why my brain still thinks I’m on commuter duty even when there’s no need. Trauma. Pure trauma. The cats, strangely, were SILENT. No 5am opera. N

Nov 26, 20254 min read

Week 17 Weigh-in - dose 10mg

Weigh-In Week 17: The Return Of The Slay Ladies, gents, cats, rats, and household spirits hiding under the sofa - your girl has shed another 1.1lbs. Total: 28.7lbs lost AKA: 13 kilograms AKA: basically a medium-sized farm animal at this point Let me tell you… watching that scale drop was like watching a soap opera miracle. I half expected the theme tune to start playing and the scales to whisper: “You thought it was over, didn’t you?” “Plot twist, babe.” Week 17 came in with

Nov 16, 20253 min read

Week 15 Weigh-in - dose 7.5mg

Weigh-In Week 15: The Great Plateau Panic! Well. Here we are. Week 15. Three. Whole. Weeks. Of. NOTHING. AGAIN! Not a single gram. Not even the faintest whisper of a decimal. The scales just sat there this morning, mocking me in complete silence, like “You again?” Honestly, at this point, I think my bathroom scales are gaslighting me. I’ve cleaned them. I’ve moved them. I’ve whispered affirmations at them. I even stepped on one foot first just to see if they’d show mercy. Nop

Oct 30, 20252 min read

Day 99: The Day I Drove Through a Lake, Ate a Croissant, and Questioned My Life Choices

Ah, my darling Jabbers. We meet again. Day 99. Ninety-nine days of jabs, bloating, burping, bravery, and now… rain. So much rain. Let’s dive right in (quite literally, as you’ll soon see). 5am - Rise and Whine: Another 5am wake-up. Why? Who am I trying to impress? The King? The sunrise? Nevertheless, I heroically rolled out of bed, muttering obscenities and negotiating with my knees, who were not in the mood to bend. First mission of the day: weigh-in. And let me tell you - t

Oct 24, 20254 min read

Day 97: MOUNJARO: The Jab, The Myth, The Digestive Rollercoaster

Slightly different post today my fellow Jabbers! A bit of a reflection really… Ah, Mounjaro. The tiny weekly syringe that launched a thousand lifestyle overhauls - part miracle, part menace, all drama. The jab that promised control, calm, and confidence… and delivered a side order of nausea, introspection, and burps that could rattle crockery. When I started, I imagined Mounjaro would turn me into that woman - you know the one: sipping lemon water, glowing like she’s sponsore

Oct 21, 20253 min read

Day 93-95: The Birthday Trilogy (feat. Champagne, Stranger Things, and Mild Regret)

My darlings, please accept my deepest apologies for the radio silence - I promise I haven’t been abducted by Vecna or enrolled in a champagne appreciation course (though both are equally plausible). The truth is far simpler and far more fabulous: I was celebrating my birthday. And not just any birthday - the kind that leaves your liver writing strongly worded letters to your brain. Let us rewind to Friday, a.k.a. Day 93, a.k.a. “The Great London Adventure.” FRIDAY - Strange

Oct 19, 20255 min read