Weekly Weigh-In: Week 52 - My Scales Have Finally Decided To Apologise Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how unbelievably dramatic the human body can be? Honestly. If my body had a Facebook status, it would permanently read: “It’s complicated.” Last week, I stepped on the scales and was greeted by a number I definitely hadn’t invited. +6.6 lbs. Six point six. Not six ounces. Not “maybe I’ve had a big dinner.” A proper, full-on, “have I accidentally swallowed a small

Honestly… The last couple of weeks particularly but I would stretch as far as few months (- the temp), have felt like I’ve accidentally been selected for some new reality TV show called “Survive If You Can.” Temperature? Approximately 100 billion degrees. Sleep? Cancelled. PoTS? Thriving. Shoulder pain? Operating on a level previously only achieved by medieval torture devices. I genuinely think these have been the worst three weeks I’ve had in a long time. You know it’s bad w

One thing nobody warns you about when you’re diagnosed with a chronic condition is that you don’t just lose your health for a while. You lose little pieces of yourself. Not all at once. Not dramatically. They just quietly disappear. One by one. And before you know it, you wake up one morning and realise you’ve become someone you don’t quite recognise. That bit… That bit has been harder than I ever imagined. I miss being spontaneous. I miss saying, “Fancy going out?” without f

So… By this point I’d accepted that my body had become… quirky. You know how every family has that one slightly eccentric relative? The one who microwaves fish in the office, owns fourteen ornamental owls and still pays for everything by cheque? Well… Apparently my nervous system had become that relative. Completely unpredictable. Slightly embarrassing. And absolutely refusing to behave itself. The thing that really started confusing me was the fact there didn’t seem to be an

Ahhh yes… Thursday and Friday. Days 148 and 149. Two days so weird and chaotic they deserve their own Netflix mini-series. Or at least a three-part BBC documentary narrated by David Attenborough: “Here we observe the modern woman in her natural habitat… at home… staring blankly at her laptop… praying for WiFi stability.” Because babes, I worked from home BOTH days. Me. WFH. Back-to-back. THURSDAY: DAY 148 — Emails, Retching & Riveting Glamour I woke up like a Victorian child

Oh, where do I even begin? These last three days - Monday to Wednesday - have been a swirling tornado of snots, fevers, Zoom meetings, digestive rebellion, and existential dread. Apparently, I brought home a little souvenir virus from my recent Poland trip, because why wouldn’t I? Christmas markets are basically human anthills, and somewhere between dodging drunken Santas and elbowing my way to the mulled wine stall, I caught something that has now turned me into a sad, sligh

A very very long blog post, featuring: Poland, pierogi, panic, over 20k steps a day, history, sausages, ancestral ghosts, and one terrified British boyfriend meeting The Parents. My loves, gather close. This is the Holiday Edition of The Mounjaro Chronicles. The Odyssey of JABatha Christie. The almost 9-Day Polish Whirlwind Tour, where I: dragged my British boyfriend across four cities, walked more steps than a Fitbit employee on a performance review, ate more food than shoul

Thursday – Day 134: A human popsicle, a headache, and the emotional support of Stranger Things. I woke up Thursday feeling like a weak Victorian child who needed broth and a blanket and perhaps a fainting couch to dramatically collapse onto. Bit headachy, a touch fragile, and honestly the perfect candidate to star in a tragic Netflix documentary called “Not Today, Immune System”. And of course, I cannot be ill now. Absolutely not. Universe, LISTEN - I have Poland coming up. S

Weigh-In Week 19: The Saga of the Shrinking Woman Who Defied Physics & Still Got Called “Overweight” by BMI Sit down. Pour tea. Maybe fetch a biscuit (for you, not me, I’m living on hope and protein yoghurt). Because today, dear reader, marks Week 19 in my shrinking journey - a journey filled with victories, tantrums, suspiciously long bathroom weigh-ins, and the occasional emotional breakdown in front of a loaf of sourdough. This week I lost… 0.8lbs. Yes. Less than a bag of

Tuesday - Day 132: The Jab Freeze & Pancake Apocalypse Worked from home. Normally that means luxury - a casual 7am wake up, soft housecoat, warm slippers, angelic soundtrack of purring cats. But no. My body said absolutely not and woke me at 5am like I had a train to catch to the Arctic. I laid there blinking at the ceiling wondering why my brain still thinks I’m on commuter duty even when there’s no need. Trauma. Pure trauma. The cats, strangely, were SILENT. No 5am opera. N

Thank GOD it’s Friday! And what a Friday it was - the kind of day that starts with you thinking, “Oh, I didn’t drink that much prosecco last night,” and ends with you clutching the kitchen counter like a Victorian heroine fainting at the sight of a corset. I genuinely didn’t think I drank that much. I was fine when I got home! Totally coherent, totally functional, totally not-on-the-verge-of-calling-myself-an-Uber-to-my-own-front-door. But no - the prosecco and all the rich f

Ohhhh buckle up, my darlings, because Thursday – DAY 127 served weather trauma, fashion excellence, public transport emotional damage, and Mounjaro-fuelled digestive foreshadowing. A buffet of chaos. A tasting menu of survival. A chef’s kiss of JABatha-level melodrama. Waking Up: The Ruby Radio Show™ Alarm goes off. Ruby immediately switches into her BREAKFAST BROADCAST MODE, like she’s about to read the 6am headlines on BBC News. Except the headlines are: “Mummy, I want snac

Weigh-In Week 18: The Tale Of The DISAPPEARING JABatha My darlings, gather round. Week 18 has arrived, and once again the scales have spoken, beeped, flashed, and declared: another 2.2lbs has left my body like a disgruntled tenant who finally realised they haven’t paid rent since 2016. This brings the grand total to a deliriously theatrical: 30.9lbs lost 14 entire kilograms evicted from my person - the equivalent of an ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY amount of mass that I will now compa

Buckle up. This one is LONG, chaotic and dripping in that signature Mounjaro-induced madness. Before We Begin: Mounjaro Truly Said “New Phone, Who Dis?” to My Habits Honestly - can we have a moment for the habit rewiring this pen has done? Because 125 days in, I’ve realised Mounjaro is basically that strict but loving Eastern European auntie who smacks the pierogi out of your hand and shouts “NO! Eat half! Better yet, don’t eat at all!!! Drink tea!!! THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES!

Ah… 5 am, that blessed/unholy hour when the universe reminds me I exist. Did I wake gracefully, smiling, stretching like a sophisticated human being? HAHAHAHAHAHA. NO. Instead: My phone screamed like a banshee hopped up on espresso. Ruby, my feline overlord, ran her 4–5 am Cat Podcast, featuring: “Mrrrrrp” Intro Theme Keyboard tapping like an office admin on steroids Head-butting me repeatedly (Subscriber Engagement Segment) Emergency Alert: “Mum, I Think You’re Dead So I Mus

By your girl, JABatha Christie - solving mysteries, losing appetites, and surviving cat podcasts since Day 1. Let me take you back… way back… to Friday at 3pm, when I jabbed myself with 10mg and promptly transformed into a medically-induced Sleeping Beauty. Honestly, I slept like a tranquilised otter drifting down a river of dreams, UNTIL the Cat Podcast between 5am and 6am - yes, Ruby and Molly launched their daily BBC MeowLive “Let’s ruin Mum’s REM cycle” episode. 10mg knoc

A JABatha Christie production Season 1, Episode 120 & 121: “Cement Arm & The Friday Redemption Arc” THURSDAY - DAY 120 A day that started earlier than the sanity of any human should allow. THE 5AM FOOLERY Another early start. Another office day. Another episode of Why The Hell Is My Alarm Awake Before The Sun. And of course - OF COURSE - I was woken up not by the gentle chime of my phone, but by the cat podcast happening live in my bedroom. Ruby, Queen of Chaos, Duchess of Dr

Weigh-In Week 17: The Return Of The Slay Ladies, gents, cats, rats, and household spirits hiding under the sofa - your girl has shed another 1.1lbs. Total: 28.7lbs lost AKA: 13 kilograms AKA: basically a medium-sized farm animal at this point Let me tell you… watching that scale drop was like watching a soap opera miracle. I half expected the theme tune to start playing and the scales to whisper: “You thought it was over, didn’t you?” “Plot twist, babe.” Week 17 came in with

A three-day saga of pain, drama, collagen powder and bacon-roll trauma. Let me start with this: I had to squeeze three days into one post because life decided to throw me into a blender set on “puree.” Honestly the first half of this week was so horrendous - at work and outside - that I’m convinced I briefly astral-projected out of my own body, looked at myself, and said: “No babe… not today.” But hey, it happens to the best of us, right? MONDAY — Aka: Who Woke Me Up at 5am a

Ah, Thursday. The day formerly known as Jab Day, the day of office appearances, and apparently, the day I decided to become the fearless heroine of my own anxiety-inducing action film. Scene One: The Dawn of Courage (and Cat Chaos) It began, as all heroic journeys do, with an alarm. At 5 a.m. sharp, the delightful sound of my phone shrieking through the darkness like an angry robot demanding productivity. Of course, my first alarm had already gone off much earlier - not elect