Day 61: Frozen Fish, Food Noise & Fabulous Teeth

Good evening, Jabbers. Reporting live from the Land of Cushions, Collagen, and Chaos.

Today was… a lot.

Let’s begin.

Morning Mayhem: The Frozen Fish Awakens:

Woke up stiff as a frozen cod, arms glued to my sides, back muscle still staging a protest. To make things worse, Ruby decided to position her chunky derrière directly on my chest - facing my eyes.

If you’ve never woken up to a furry moon landing inches from your face, consider yourself blessed.

Once she finally relocated (probably to plot more cushion theft with Mustard), it took me a heroic 30 minutes to unstick myself from the mattress.

That’s not waking up - that’s a slow-motion hostage negotiation.

The Rituals of JABatha:

Coffee with collagen was mandatory - not optional, not negotiable.

Two tiny Marmite toasts later, I spent a delightful 30 minutes retching into the bathroom abyss.

(Sorry neighbours, I swear it’s not an exorcism. Probably.)

Felt much better after, though! Nothing like a bit of morning drama to clear the system.

Work, Work, Work (and Food Noise):

Worked from home today. Busy but good! But let me tell you: the food noise is back.

My brain: “Eat something! Go on, eat it!”

Me: “Fine!”

Actual stomach: “Haha, psych. Not hungry.”

I swear, my stomach is the world’s worst improv comedian.

Managed to nibble a Graze protein bar (aka compressed cardboard wrapped in foil) and sip ginger tea.

Delicious?

No.

Instagram-worthy?

Not unless you’re into “minimalist beige cuisine.”

Lunch/Dinner (aka Linner? Dunch?):

Had half a bowl of pasta for lunch, then the other half for dinner. Nothing fancy, but listen - we call this pasta recycling.

Environmentally friendly AND stomach-approved.

Greta Thunberg would be proud.

Dentist Adventures: The Final Chapter:

Oh yes, my friends.

Today was the day.

After over TWO YEARS of straightening, fillings, whitening, cleaning, retainers, and enough appointments to qualify me as staff…

I have FINALLY completed my dental saga.

Straight.

White.

Shiny.

Not “Turkey Teeth” - sorry Love Island contestants - but natural, lovely, and paid for with the GDP of a small nation.

Honestly worth it.

My dentist is amazing.

Not all dentists are evil, folks.

Shocking revelation, I know.

Robin Interlude:

Just when I thought my life couldn’t get weirder, Robin arrived - repeatedly knocking on the glass conservatory roof like he was trying to break in.

What does this mean? For centuries, robins have symbolised hope, renewal, and cheeky mischief. Basically, even on a frozen fish morning, the universe is sending me a reminder: notice the weird, small, wonderful signs.

And also, maybe feed him.

Double Cold Disaster:

Planned a lovely post-dentist walk.

Reality: rain all day + suddenly freezing outside + jab side effect = double cold.

Imagine Elsa, but with Marmite toast and cats. That’s me.

Evening Entertainment:

Silly TV with the boyfriend (translation: shouting at the screen and judging strangers). Mustard, Molly and Ruby provided cuddle service with occasional sass.

Cozy chaos.

The Cliff-hanger:

Early night for me, because tomorrow = 5am wake-up, back to the office! Can’t wait to see my team and maybe casually waltz in like:

“Oh hey, did you notice anything different?

Maybe that I’ve lost some pounds?

Or that I have shiny new non-Turkey teeth?

Or that I survived Ruby’s butt alarm clock?”

Stay tuned. Tomorrow’s episode:

“JABatha Christie & the Office Reveal: Have You Noticed?”

Night, Jabbers.

With Love,

JABatha Christie