Day 51-53: The Investigation Continues
- Sep 7
- 4 min read
Confession time:
I abandoned you for three days.
Friday was swallowed whole by work (and not in a good, bao-bun way), then Saturday and Sunday were all about “recovery and chilling,” which is basically me lying horizontal, looking like I’ve been exorcised by Mounjaro and a virus at the same time.
But fear not!
Today’s entry is less “what I ate in a day” and more true crime meets comedy special - my ongoing investigation into the mysteries, side effects, and utterly ridiculous realities of life on the jab.
The Virus SagaAfter 3+ weeks of being body-slammed by some mysterious strain of Covid, I think I’m finally crawling back to the land of the living.
Still exhausted, still no energy, but at least I can sit upright without feeling like a Victorian widow dying of consumption.
Progress!
Friday’s Highlight – The Boots ChaseAfter harassing them with approximately 47 emails, 12 calls, and possibly one carrier pigeon, I finally got The Text:
“Your prescription is ready to collect.”
Reader, I sprinted.
Saturday morning, I held that shiny 7.5mg pen like Indiana Jones clutching the Holy Grail.
I did toy with the idea of staying at 5mg longer, but in true YOLO jabber spirit, I levelled up.
Let’s see what chaos 7.5mg brings…
Hair Today, Gone Blonde Tomorrow - Saturday was transformation day: I ditched my blonde Barbie vibes and went ashy brunette.
Darker, sleeker, lower-maintenance, and apparently slightly more mysterious.
Who is she?
A slimmer, sassier, brunette detective who may or may not be solving the Case of the Missing Appetite.
Street Food Fiasco - BF whisked me off to a local street food festival, which should have been heaven.
Me + food = match made in carbs.
Except… Mounjaro strikes again.
One soggy pulled-pork bao bun later and I was like, “meh.” Million miles from Ivy Asia bao deliciousness. Honestly, I’d have preferred a Tic Tac.
True Crime & Trash TVWe watched the new First Dates (10/10, love a bit of awkward romance) and then that Chloe Ayling documentary. Honestly? What.
A.
Farce.
I don’t buy the kidnapping story for a second. Whole thing screamed “Instagram stunt gone wrong.”
Breakfast of Champions - BF redeemed the weekend with a thin bagel loaded with bacon, mushrooms, and HP sauce.
Chef’s kiss.
Delicious, even if it's taken me ages to finish it!
I also had one - yes, ONE - lime Dorito for lunch.
Honestly, the world’s saddest snack.
This is my life now.
Dinner?
Sticky sesame chicken with coconut rice and green beans. That, I actually enjoyed! Portion still minuscule, but my tastebuds at least clapped politely.
The Return of the Cat PodcastLast night’s episode?
The loudest yet.
Full surround sound: yowls, hisses, and one particularly aggressive 3 a.m. monologue.
Spotify could never.
JABatha’s Evidence Board - Mounjaro Observations:
Appetite: Gone. I open the fridge, stare at food like it’s modern art, and close it again.
That’s it.
Exhibit A.
Tiny Tupperware Nation. My fridge is a graveyard of sad half-meals. Chicken breast, one bite taken. Half a yogurt. A single boiled carrot. I live like a Victorian orphan with an IKEA sponsorship.
Coffee Betrayal. Once a caffeine addict, now I can’t even finish a morning coffee. I used to go to bed excited about my brew.
Now?
Half a cup and I’m over it.
RIP Flat White Love Affair.
Sugar Who? Sweet cravings?
Deleted.
Cake could be dancing naked on my table and I’d just yawn.
Protein Police. I know I should eat more protein. But honestly? Sometimes chewing feels like too much admin.
Food Noise: Muted. That constant nagging voice - “crisps! biscuits! chips!” - gone.
Silence. Sweet, eerie silence.
Side Effects: Mostly Mild. Some nausea on 5mg, the occasional burp that could gaslight an entire room, and the odd puff of wind (classy). But nothing dramatic.
Weird New Habits. I smell food more than I eat it (we’re basically dating at this point).
I portion like a squirrel preparing for winter. I think more about storage containers than actual meals.
Hairdresser Logic. As the weight falls off, so does the patience for highlights.
Coincidence?
I think not.
The Energy Paradox. Even with zero appetite, somehow I still don’t have the energy to fold laundry. Mounjaro can shrink your waist but not your laziness.
Controversial Opinion Alert And here’s where I ruffle feathers: people screaming about side effects and “not losing weight” might need to admit one of two things:
The jab just isn’t for everyone (and that’s okay).
Or… they’re still eating like a human Hoover.
This isn’t Harry Potter’s wand. You don’t go from size 18 to size 10 overnight. You still have to work with it, not against it. Sorry not sorry, Karen.
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