Day 13: Cat Monologues, Mario Kart, Wasabi Assassination & Gastrointestinal Comeback

Another night, another TED Talk from my cat at 3:07am.

Not a full moon, no ghostly activity, not even a fox in sight - just her and her nightly philosophical ramblings about how the Dreamies tax is unfair and she deserves a pension.

I suppose she gets it from her ADHD mother. Wherever my ADHD is though… possibly packed its bags and joined a yoga retreat thanks to Mounjaro.

The drive to the station this morning?

Basically the countryside version of Mario Kart. I racked up 7 potholes and a bonus crater that swallowed the front left of my Mini Cooper.

I might start naming them at this point. “Geoffrey” was particularly vicious.

Office day!

Triple-shot coffee with almond milk joy from Notes (topped with collagen and DulcoEase for an extra effects) - because obviously I require caffeine levels that would concern most medical professionals.

Office vibes were immaculate.

My team is great, but I’m 99% sure they’re quietly placing bets on whether I’ll ever eat anything that isn’t a protein bowl.

Today, I SHOCKED THEM ALL.

Dragon roll and sashimi, well half of it.

With wasabi that tried to assassinate me and a side of seaweed that could salt an entire motorway.

Meetings all day. I aged three years. Someone please invent teleportation already - I’ve got pothole PTSD.

Speaking of shocks - ladies, gentlemen, and gastrointestinal supporters of the nation… DulcoEase came through. After days of stubborn silence from my insides, today we had… movement. A moment of reflection, relief, and possibly applause.

I nearly texted the Queen. I’ve been reborn. Slightly lighter and much more smug

Dinner: finished the other half of my lunch, and then it was back to my favourite pastime - watching The Rookie and Bake Off: The Professionals while wearing pyjamas that could be used in a hostage negotiation.

A chaotic mix of crime-fighting and crème pâtissière. My kind of balance.

Jab + weigh-in in 2 days. Excitement level: borderline concerning.

But the real buzz? BRUSSELS & BRUGES on Thursday baby!

This ADHD queen and her handsome travel companion are trading in potholes and protein bowls for cobblestones, waffles, and possibly a beer or six.

I’ve already pre-warned him I will be stopping for snacks every 11 minutes and taking photos of doorways like I’m scouting for Architectural Digest. Romantic chaos incoming.

On Mounjaro front, so far - no major side effects. Just me, the jab, a cat with too many opinions, and a digestive system that’s finally back online. We’re thriving.

Over and out.

With Love,

JABatha Christie