Day 12: The Meowtrix Has You

Didn’t want to get up this morning. Bed was warm. Snug.

A fluffy cloud of denial.

But life, reflux, and a talking cat had other plans.

From 3am, my cat was having a full-blown convo with an invisible friend (probably Carol from next door’s ginger tom).

The tone was serious. Strategic.

Possibly planning a heist or a coup.

I just lay there listening, wondering if I should be concerned or impressed.

She clearly thinks she’s a human.

Honestly, with the way she judges my outfits, I think she thinks she’s the boss.

Popped a DulcoEase before bed last night (spoiler alert: I should not have).

My stomach decided to host a percussion ensemble on the train this morning.

Bongos, timpani, one lone cowbell.

Triple shot almond flat white from Note 1 because I needed to not fall asleep into my inbox. It briefly brought me back to life, like coffee-based CPR.

Breakfast? Say it with me now: PROTEIN BOWL!

This time in a very swanky glass jar, because I am nothing if not a bougie bitch with gut health goals.

Lunch was leftover chicken, roasted veg, and something called “glorious grains,” which sounds like a church but was actually a struggle to chew because my mouth said no but my conscience said you need fibre.

Work? CHAOTIC. Meetings, pings, and one point where I genuinely forgot my own name.

Couldn’t concentrate because I kept thinking about what the cat meant when she said “mrrrOWWRR.”

Was it a warning?

A prophecy?

Does she know when my next jab is?

Speaking of which - 3 days ‘til Jab #3 and the suspense is killing me.

So is the scale, which is hiding like it’s got a secret to protect.

Drove home possibly with my eyes closed (unconfirmed), blaring music to keep the eyelids from doing their best impression of drawbridges.

Got in and proceeded to munch on a wholemeal thin with Marmite.

Took a while...

Nothing screams “I’m fine” like eating toasted cardboard with fermented yeast spread.

Appetite? Still on vacation. Brain? Running on fumes and vibes.

TV if I can stay awake. More likely? An aggressive early night while the cat continues plotting her TED Talk. I’m just a guest in her house, really.

Tomorrow is another Dulco-dodging, protein-powered day. Bring it on!!!

With Love,

JABatha Christie