Week 8 Weigh-in - dose 5mg

Gather round, my fellow sleuths of the scale, because JABatha Christie has cracked yet another weight-loss mystery - and this one involves numbers, drama, and the tragic end of my trusty 5mg pen.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys, girls, cats, and protein bars I can’t open: today was weigh-in day. That moment every week when I approach the bathroom scale like it’s a strict Victorian headmistress about to mark my homework.

What will she say this time? Will she give me a gold star or expel me for eating smoked salmon bagels?

Well, you’ll be thrilled to know I got a B+ this week: down 1.1 lbs!

That brings me to a grand total of 19.8 lbs lost (9 whole kilos!) in just 8 weeks.

If I was a bag of flour, I’d be two big family-sized ones and a cheeky little self-raising.

Honestly, if someone doesn’t wheel me onto “QVC Weight Loss Channel” soon so I can hold bags of sugar against my body and cry dramatically, what even is the point?

Now, let’s talk about the pen.

This was my final 5mg jab, and let me tell you, I got emotional. I stared at it like Rose staring at Jack on that floating door:

“Goodbye, my love. You’ve been by my side for weeks, silencing food noise, keeping me steady, reminding me that yes, I can say no to family-sized Galaxy chocolate.”

RIP 5mg pen. You will not be forgotten. We shall now move onwards and upwards (well… downwards in weight, upwards in dosage).

This week had a twist though: I had to battle the classic enemy of all dieters… THE SCALE TRICKERY. On Tuesday, that treacherous piece of bathroom décor told me I was up 2 lbs. Excuse me?

I’ve barely eaten more than a rabbit and a protein bar (when I manage to open them). I even double-checked to see if Ruby the cat had hopped on the back of the scale for a cheeky ride.

But no.

Turns out it was just… water retention. (Ah yes, that old chestnut - or in my case, that old watermelon). But by weigh-in day, balance was restored, and the scale finally surrendered the truth.

And can we just pause for the maths here: 19.8 lbs in 8 weeks. That’s basically a small carry-on suitcase.

Or Ruby, with attitude.

Or nine bags of cat litter.

No wonder my trousers keep trying to escape down my legs like they’re in a prison break movie.

So what’s next?

Week 9 starts with the big 7.5mg upgrade - like levelling up in a video game, except the final boss is still biscuits.

I’ve got another 20 lbs to slay before I hit my “please bring me a crown and a sash” moment.

And I fully expect more weekly plot twists because this weight-loss journey is basically EastEnders, but with less Phil Mitchell and more collagen coffee.

For now, I’m celebrating this milestone. Almost 20 lbs gone, never to be seen again (unless they’re lurking behind the sofa cushions with the TV remote).

JABatha Christie: signing off, skinnier, sassier, and still dramatic. Stay tuned for the next gripping instalment: The Case of the 7.5mg Jab and the Shrinking Jeans.

With Love,

JABatha Christie