Day 8: The Hormonal Heist & Pea-Curious Incident

Thank God for hybrid working - because today I run a full-blown medical operation out of my house like some kind of hormone-fuelled Bond girl.

Weigh-in verdict: -6.5 lbs!

That's right, SIX. POINT. FIVE. Justice for my jeans! The scale nearly exploded from sheer disbelief. I expected a polite half-pound, not a full-blown exit of mass.

Breakfast: 2 slices of bacon and avocado on wholemeal toast - because I am now that girl. The protein bowl is chilling in the fridge like a backup cast member waiting to be called to stage when I go into the office. Hold, please.

Meanwhile, my GP appointment turned into a real-life plot twist:

Progesterone coil inserted.

Estrogen patch slapped on my butt like a sticker at a Beyonce meet-and-greet.

I walked out like a hormonal Transformer!

But let me tell you - that coil fitting?! Felt like somoene tried to summon Satan via my cervix (twice as the first one broke FGS!). Apparently it happens if you have never given birth. No. This can only happen to me! Fact!

I saw stars, heard ancestral whispers, and briefly left my body.

I deserve a medal. Or at least a gin!

Lunch was fashionably late because I forgot to eat. FORGOT. TO. EAT.

Me.

Unheard of.

But when I remembered, I had the cutest little tomato soup with peas. Peas!!!

They were giving me main character energy today and I love them for it.

Jabbed myself with dose two of Mounjaro like a pro - this time in the other thigh. Felt like I should salute someone. Or myself.

Let the second act of this dramatic transformation begin.

Side effects: Nausea is hovering like an unwanted guest, so I threw back a Huel protein shake and chased it with some ginger like I was doing tequila shots in a wellness cult.

Ending the night with Bake Off: Professionals because nothing keeps me humble like watching people make sugar sculptures while I chew on dry ginger and pray for regular bowel movements.

Mood: Grateful. Jabbed. Lightly queasy. Slightly hormonal. Obsessed with peas.

Tomorrow's plan: Survive. Possibly eat the protein bowl.

Maybe blink twice while working.

With Love,

JABatha Christie